"That's not fair!!!"

The words "That's not fair!" create a shrill for most parents.  When those words come from our children, we want to laugh in their face and say, "Just do it!  I know what's best for you!"

Can you imagine if Mary and Joseph had exclaimed,

• "No God!  This isn't fair.  We are not going to bring a child into this world only that he can die a harsh and horrible death!" 
• "No God! This isn't fair!  I'm not married yet, so what will the neighbors say.  I've spent my whole life honoring you, now they will all believe that I had sex outside of marriage.  I will be shunned" 
• "No God!  This isn't fair!  Why should I work so hard to support and pay for the needs of a child that isn't even mine!" ???

Instead of screaming that's not fair, Mary actually said in Luke 1:38, "...may it be done to me according to your word.", and then she told her cousin Elizabeth in Luke 1:48, "For He has had regard for the humble state of His bondslave; for behold, from this time on all generations will count me blessed."  Not only did she not scream, "That's not fair!", she felt privileged to be chosen to do such difficult things.  She had far reaching insight - she knew that many generations later, this chosen task for her would still matter.  I'm so glad she didn't choose to turn her back on God because she didn't get what was "fair".

I have to admit, I fall into the "That's not fair!" pit from time to time... just last weekend actually.  Our 5 year old son got sick just a few days before Christmas, so all our plans went out the window, including church, tickets to see a theater production, enjoying the Christmas lights.  Seems like little things, doesn't it?  They are little things.  They are things that don't matter, but I threw a mental temper tantrum. 

I threw the biggest "That's not fair!" temper tantrum after my Mother died.  It just seemed like too much to me.

• "Seriously God!  Just months after losing my son, now my Mom?"
• "It's not fair, God!  She's been down and out for such a long time, now she had to die like this?  We didn't even get to say goodbye."
• "God, it's not fair!  She had to die on our vacation?  I thought we needed some time away." 

It's in times like this that we all need a little perspective because these times do matter, and they are truly painful.  God does hear our cries during these times, but I want to challenge everyone reading this... do you really want what is fair?  Really... do you want what is fair?  I don't... If I got what's fair, then I would get what I deserve.

 In Jerry Sittser book "A Grace Disguised - How the soul grows through loss", he addresses the "This isn't fair!" syndrome.  Sittser says, "The problem of expecting to live in a perfect fair world is that there is no grace in that world, for grace is grace only when it is undeserved...A fair life may make life nice for us, but only as nice as we are. We may get what we deserve, but I wonder how much that is and whether or not we would really be satisfied. A world with grace will give us more than we deserve. It will give us life, even in our suffering."

I choose grace instead of fairness.  How about you?  I would love to hear your thoughts.