A month ago, our family was preparing for a vacation to the Philadelphia, PA area to visit Ron's family. We love our visits with family, but this time was different. Last year when we arrived in PA, my Mother was alive - when we left she was not. Our trip to PA last year was much too short.
Sometimes I believe we are done with "firsts" considering we are more than a 1.5years out since our son Elliot's death and a year out since my Mom's death, but I knew this trip would be full of firsts.
- First vacation since my Mom died
- First time to fish in the pond I was fishing in the moment my Mom died
- First time to run on the beach again that I ran on when I was pregnant with Elliot
These may seem insignificant to most, but each thing is filled with a mix of fun and sorrowful emotion. Not to mention, that in preparing for our trip the enemy filled my head with such lies as "What will go wrong this trip?", "Who will die this time?" Such lies are not founded, yet they existed - Ron shared that he was struggling with the same thoughts. Thankfully we knew better than to rely on the words of the enemy.
We did in fact make it to PA, and our trip was wonderful beyond belief. I experienced another "first" on my trip that I didn't expect -
In our season of grief, we have had many moments of joy, but I have struggled being around people who want to just have fun. I am not opposed to having fun, of course, but I felt like I oozed grief even on my good days; therefore, I felt like a killjoy for others. It was difficult to have fun, but I didn't want to take that away from others - it is hard to explain. While on this trip, it hit me for the "first" time - We are back to having fun... others aren't having to plan the fun for us or coerce us into doing stuff. Let me tell you... I like that!
"O clap you hands, all people; shout to God with the voice of joy." Psalm 47:1
During our trip, we did have a few things go "wrong" - like we ended up in PA a day later than expected due to flight difficulties, but with every "wrong" thing came a blessing. Ron, Reese and I were able to identify the blessing and have fun with everything that came our way.
- Thank you MomMom and PopPop for making our time SO very special.
- Butch, Karen, Will and Nicole (Aunt/Uncle/Cousins) - Watching you all with Reese gives us such joy.
- Aunt Judy and Uncle Bob - As always it was wonderful to see you. You always have such encouraging words.
- Rita (Friend) - You are such a reminder to me of God's beauty.
- Dan (Friend)- Thanks for letting us stay at your house in St. Louis
- Anna (family we met from Korea) - Thank you for sharing your beautiful family with us!
I hope our family never loses sight of the many blessings given us each day. Grief over our losses still exists, but my heart is so filled with joy.
Comments
Post a Comment