Practical and Healthy Tips for Grief and Loss

Loss comes in all shapes and sizes, though we usually only consider some "loss" when it is death.  Other kinds of loss include loss of a career, loss of health, loss of a dream/expectations (something or someone didn't turn out the way you'd hoped), loss of a valuable relationship, and secondary loss (losing something because of losing someone, such as maybe the family played a specific game with Grandma every Sunday, but now that she has passed nobody will play the game any longer because it is just not the same).  There are others.

These things hurt, and they require us to grieve and lay it before the Lord or it could possibly build up inside of us as something nasty, bitter, and destructive in the long run.

Below is a list of things Ron and I have found helpful in living/thriving through grief and loss.  I pray it will be helpful to many of you.

1.       Absolutely be in the Word every day. – Early in my loss I took my Bible everywhere.  I would often find myself just sitting and waiting on something (i.e. a train to pass), and this is when satan would start filling my head with the “what-ifs”.  So when the lies started stirring, I would simply open the Word.

2.       Absolutely be in prayer moment by moment; especially when you don’t feel like it. -  Early in my grief I couldn't think of words to pray because I was so overwhelmed with emotion, so it was helpful to use the words of songs I know or to go to the Psalms and just pray something already written.  The Spirit intercedes for us, so even if you have no “right” words, they will be perfect.

3.       Recognize that you will grieve differently than others. – Knowing that you will most certainly grieve differently than those around will allow patience and grace for others, and it will keep you from feeling like you are going crazy if you are not in the same place emotionally or spiritually as someone else.

4.       Journal – Writing often times allows a release of emotion, and it also gives us a place to turn to in order to see how far we've come or to remember that there have been victories.  You can write out prayers, keep a log of what is going on in your life, or just write thoughts and emotions for the day.

5.       Have some “safe” people. - During this time, it is important to use wisdom in determining who to bear your emotions to, but you need to have someone to talk to.  Look for someone you can trust and will listen without trying to fix you or keep you from feeling your loss.  Sometimes this is a trusted friend of many years; sometimes it is someone that has gone through a similar loss.

6.       Consider counseling. – There are times during the grief and loss process that you should consider counseling.  If you feel like you are burdening those around you, so you’re not willing to talk please consider a counselor.  If you are feeling like you don’t want to talk about it at all – a counselor can help you move forward.  Also, if you are ever feeling hopeless or overwhelmed – you need to seek the help of a counselor.  If you don’t know where to go, start with pastor – they can typically spend time with you and give you recommendations for a counselor.

7.       Keep a healthy body. – During grief many completely neglect their body – either over or under eat, neglect exercise, and/or have an unhealthy change in sleep patterns.  If you've lost a spouse, cooking a meal for one person is often difficult, so consider cooking a full meal and freeze it in individual portions, provide some to a neighbor, or invite someone over.  Try to keep very little junk food around.  Cut and wash veggies or fruits when you get them home so that if you are going to pick at foods all day long you easily have the right ones to choose from.  Exercise to the best of your ability.  Try to go for a walk, do some exercises in your home, or any other form of exercise that you are physically able to do.  If sleeping is a concern, please talk to your doctor.

8.       Let others stay involved. – People want to help, but have no idea what to do.  Even if you don’t “need” anything, invite them to come along with you while you do some routine tasks.  Try your best not to push others away.  This being said, please don't feel you must have someone around at all times.  Have good boundaries so that you can continue in alone time with God and your own thoughts as well as keep others involved

9.       Invest in others when possible. – The great commission in Matthew 28 is to disciple others.  At some point in our grief, we cannot continue to only think about ourselves.  Even if you are confined to your home, commit to calling and checking on a friend routinely and spend focused time praying for others.