I'll never fully understand...

Dear Father:

I can’t imagine what it has been like to have adopted me as you have.  I remember the day you adopted me… I was only 9 years old.  Tears filled my eyes.  It was amazing – You chose me!

It only took a year or so before the “new” wore off.  Difficulties came my way, and for some reason, I blamed you.  I’m sorry I ran away at such a young age - how horrifying.  I cringe to think that you know all the things I did while I was away.  I’m so sorry, Father – You must have been crushed.

Over and over I ran away, but you always brought me back.  I remember arguing with you but never feeling condemned.  You were firm but full of grace.  It seems that my rebelliousness through the years has NEVER caused you to waiver.

The river of tears seemed never ending; I felt so lost.  There were countless sleepless nights – You never left my side, and you cried tears with me.  Seems so strange to me now that you showed such compassion, but I rarely recognized it.  No matter who hurt me, you always ended up with the blame.

I’m sure many people looked at my behavior with disgust thinking that I should have been so grateful because  you rescued me – and it’s true – I’ll never know what all you truly rescued me from.

We are so different from each other, so I always assumed you must think I’m crazy, weird or just downright frustrating.  But now that I’m willing to stop and listen to you – it strangely seems that I was somehow made in your image… as if we belong together.  I am different from you, but somehow also the same. 

As the years have passed, I have come to realize to only a small extent the sacrifice and the cost required for you to adopt me.  You had to sacrifice everything – even your life.  Why did you do it?  Why did you choose me?  Even if you give me the answer to those questions, I’m not sure that I will ever fully understand. 

Through a lifetime of love, patience, firm discipline, grace, and sacrifice – I now know that I can fully trust in you.  I can cry out in full assurance, “Abba, Father!”  You are there.  You will always be there.  I am your daughter – forever. 

I love you from the depth of my being.

Halee

"But when the fullness of the time came, God sent forth His Son, born of a woman, born under the Law, so that He might redeem those who were under the Law, that we might receive the adoption as sons.  Because you are sons, God has sent forth the Spirit of His Son into our hearts, crying, 'Abba, Father!'  Therefore you are no longer a slave, but a son; and if a son, then an heir through God." 
- Galatians 4:4-6

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Living the promises

This week marks the one year anniversary of our family saying goodbye to our sweet, little boy Elliot.  It's hard to believe that it has been one year ago that Elliot was stillborn.  This year has been full of pain and grieving... we said goodbye to Elliot, my Mother, my Uncle Don, I had a tumor removed (thankfully benign), and I walked away from my career.  Wow.      During church on Sunday, I was reminded of how faithful God is to fulfill His promises to us.  God provided 3 promises to our family over the last year: First regarding the past, then regarding the here and now, and the third is regarding our future. PROMISE #1 - OUR PAST As we were preparing to go to the hospital on December 21, 2011, I prayed to God in shear agony as I knew our lives were about to change.  I prayed, "Dear God, please prepare us... I don't know how you prepare someone for losing a child in such a short time frame between here and the doctor's office, but, please, Father, prepare us.
Read more

Pursuing the Illogical

Image
Reading: Colossians 3:15-25 Prayer: Lord, give us wisdom and insight so that we may have a humble confidence in following You even if it seems weird or illogical. Daily Challenge: What, if anything, are you pursuing/doing in your life simply because it seems logical even if you routinely have an internal wrestling? How do you determine if the internal wrestling is something you need to continue pursuing OR is it Him stirring you to pursue something different? In the past few weeks, the state of Oklahoma announced massive budget shortfalls that greatly impact departments serving the mental health community. Though it is uncertain at this point how deep the cuts will go, there is a strong likelihood it will impact my husband's employment in some way. Therefore, when a previous employer encouraged me to apply for an open position, it seemed to Ron and I that this opportunity may be the "rescue boat" sent from God to keep us from financial hardship! Yay God! Well,
Read more

Co-existance of Joy and Grief

Image
Today is our son, Elliot's, birthday.  Elliot was stillborn on Dec 21, 2011.  Below is a tribute to the time we had with Elliot, and a glimpse of how we continue to recognize and cherish him.  It is not my intention to overwhelm this blog with the theme of loss or grief, but I will be spending the next several posts sharing some of our story and our joys in the midst of it all.  To those who ask, "How are you doing?"... the best answer I can give came from a note I wrote to many friends a month or so after Elliot had died. As I've evaluated my emotions this week and still wrestle with answering the "how are you doing" question - I've realized I can't say "We're fine" because it doesn't do our grief justice, but we also can't say "oh, we are so sad" because it doesn't give our joy justice. I never knew that JOY and GRIEF can so closely co-exist with one another. Though I am grieving so deeply, God is
Read more