Winding Road Leads to Victory
Dare I write a post about the New Year, only to have my writings lost amongst all the other "New Years" postings by everyone across the world?
The end of each year will forever be filled with a mix of emotions as Elliot died just before Christmas in 2011. As time has passed, and we have been intentional in grieving well, depending on God, loving others, and allowing others to love and invest in us - I now find myself in a place of immensely deep gratitude. I'm not sure when the days switched from intense grief to what it is today.
I am so incredibly grateful also that we are saying goodbye to 2014, not because it was a terrible year or because I'm running away from it - but because I sense this momentum leading into 2015.
Most of 2014 seemed to be "training" and "waiting" for what lies ahead. I see the Lord's fruit growing and growing and growing, and, it's as if, I am just waiting for the day to sink my teeth into it all. I can't wait... I cannot be more creative than God; therefore, I can't even imagine what lies ahead.
2014 was beautiful - Reese is growing and maturing so much, my relationship with my husband is somehow fresh and new, I have had many opportunities to love on and invest in others. As the Celebrate Recovery ministry in which we lead may somehow look as if it is floundering to some - I instead find peace in the simplicity and the first hand view I am receiving of God's amazing grace in the lives of a few individuals. As we answer questions regarding our continued wait time in the adoption process, I have never been so convinced that God has called us to this time - this mission of loving this specific child. Going back to work full-time has provided some things for us and others that we had not expected.
These are all amazing things, but when I lose focus on God's hand in it all, I become full of anxiety and just can't believe how many things are up in the air without any finality:
I have and continue to seek God's guidance in the things we are pursing as a family; therefore, even if my preparation or insight leading into 2015 is inaccurate or not quite ample - I am confident that victory lies ahead.
Dear Heavenly Father - there is nothing too big or too small for You. Thank You for loving us and for caring about the details that will bring ultimate victory for us and for Your Kingdom. I pray Lord, please help me to have insight to see what You consider victory. May all things good that happen throughout this year be given for Your glory and honor! I praise You for the state of my heart, that I have not been overcome by things of the past, and that you have done a mighty work in me.
The end of each year will forever be filled with a mix of emotions as Elliot died just before Christmas in 2011. As time has passed, and we have been intentional in grieving well, depending on God, loving others, and allowing others to love and invest in us - I now find myself in a place of immensely deep gratitude. I'm not sure when the days switched from intense grief to what it is today.
I am so incredibly grateful also that we are saying goodbye to 2014, not because it was a terrible year or because I'm running away from it - but because I sense this momentum leading into 2015.
Most of 2014 seemed to be "training" and "waiting" for what lies ahead. I see the Lord's fruit growing and growing and growing, and, it's as if, I am just waiting for the day to sink my teeth into it all. I can't wait... I cannot be more creative than God; therefore, I can't even imagine what lies ahead.
2014 was beautiful - Reese is growing and maturing so much, my relationship with my husband is somehow fresh and new, I have had many opportunities to love on and invest in others. As the Celebrate Recovery ministry in which we lead may somehow look as if it is floundering to some - I instead find peace in the simplicity and the first hand view I am receiving of God's amazing grace in the lives of a few individuals. As we answer questions regarding our continued wait time in the adoption process, I have never been so convinced that God has called us to this time - this mission of loving this specific child. Going back to work full-time has provided some things for us and others that we had not expected.
These are all amazing things, but when I lose focus on God's hand in it all, I become full of anxiety and just can't believe how many things are up in the air without any finality:
- Will the adoption ever come to fruition?
- When we get to travel? Will Reese be in or out of school? Depending on when we go and how long we will have to stay will determine where we can stay, but since I don't know the answer to any of those questions... I can't plan our trip, what we'll do with Reese, what we'll do with the dog.
- Will I still be working full-time or will I return to part-time work? Due to the sale of my company, part-time work may no longer be an option... if I can't work for my current company - what will I be doing to fill the financial deficit that we will have?
- Because I don't know when we will travel, how long I can take off and what my employment status will be after my adoption leave - I can't really plan for childcare at this time. We have ideas, but nothing solid at this point.
- What about CR? There are so many awesome things going on there, but... what is our role going forward? I love how God uses me at CR and molds and shapes me at the same time.
- What has HC been faced with over the past few years? How will it impact him once he comes home? What difficulties will he face?
- How will all this change impact Reese?
"The horse is prepared for the day of battle, but victory belongs to the Lord." Proverbs 21:31
I have and continue to seek God's guidance in the things we are pursing as a family; therefore, even if my preparation or insight leading into 2015 is inaccurate or not quite ample - I am confident that victory lies ahead.
Dear Heavenly Father - there is nothing too big or too small for You. Thank You for loving us and for caring about the details that will bring ultimate victory for us and for Your Kingdom. I pray Lord, please help me to have insight to see what You consider victory. May all things good that happen throughout this year be given for Your glory and honor! I praise You for the state of my heart, that I have not been overcome by things of the past, and that you have done a mighty work in me.
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