Practical Ideas for Joy-Filled Change

Reading: 1 Peter 5:6-11

Prayer: Lord, change is so inevitable in this life. Help us to do it with joy, peace and grace while knowing that You are faithful. Mold and shape our attitudes and insights.

Daily Challenge: Which of your attitudes hinder joy-filled change? Which promote it?

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Transitioning from "career woman" to something that has its own acronym - SAHM (stay at home mom) has its definite challenges.  Rarely do changes come one at a time for any family - in the last 6 months we have experienced many big changes - a newly adopted 3 year old, father moving here from out of state, change in ministry, etc.

I would like to share some practical ideas regarding joy-filled transitions for families - some of these things we did intentionally, some we stumbled into, and others we didn't do, but wished we had!

Wake Up Early (Yes...Even Earlier!)

“In the morning, O Lord, You will hear my voice;

In the morning I will order my prayer to You and eagerly watch.” Psalm 5:3

Many people just cringed!  Honestly, this habit does not have to be early in the morning, but this is the absolute most important tip - find time to yourself when you can shut out ALL distractions - children, husband, phone, social media, cooking, cleaning, projects. 

First and foremost, devote this time to study the Word, and seek/worship Him.  When I first started doing this years ago, I gave myself daily pep talks, sometimes failing to get there even for 5 or 10 minutes.  Now, years later, I am eager to go to bed early so that I can have this time with the Lord the following morning!  By spending this time daily, we are able to better recognize the Lord's handiwork throughout the day, gain necessary strength to face the unknowns, and, just like when we spend time with our spouse, we grow in our relationship with God as we get to know Him better.

If you still have extra time before your family arises, you can also use this time to do some exercising (or multitask by saying prayers while taking an early morning walk) or get a few tasks completed without interruption. 

Determine What Makes You Valuable
Seriously evaluate this question, "what makes me valuable?"  Is it what you accomplish, who you are as a husband/wife, or as a parent?  Several years ago, I realized that I was finding my value in my accomplishments (or lack thereof) at work.  If I had a good day at work, I felt valuable.  If it was a bad day... I often felt worthless.  So much of my life and emotions wavered around my work circumstances. 

If we realize that our value is in being a child of God - that He loves us, cares for us, has grace for us, and that, ultimately He has plans for us to succeed, we can rest peacefully despite our successes and failures.  This is a truth that needs to be grasped daily to the nth degree as we wholeheartedly pursue the transitions in our life.

Communicate Expectations
Expectations are typically based upon a preconceived notion of the benefits and challenges of the transition.  Once the change becomes reality expectations must be adjusted.  Pre and post transition, communicate your thoughts/expectations to family members and seek to understand their expectations. 

Because I am home much more than before, I expected, and assumed Ron had the same expectations, that I would have the entire house cleaned at least once/week.  Every weekend when Ron would take to cleaning the bathrooms, I felt like a failure.  "What have I been doing all week that I didn't get this done?," I said to myself on many occasions.  I was defensive and would provide excuses as to why they weren't cleaned.  Thankfully, Ron reiterated his desire to serve our family in this way and that he had no expectation of me getting it all done every week.  He sees it as a "bonus" if I get it done.

Based on this and similar experiences, I've learned that there are certain things that Ron appreciates having done more than others, so I focus on completing those items, and we work on the other items together.  Hearing this from my husband gave me freedom to focus time on things that are fulfilling to me and are appreciated most by my family. (By the way, Ron's graciousness toward me has greatly benefited him as well... I feel much more capable to love and serve him when I am not completely drained from doing things I'm not particularly gifted toward.)

Focus on the Heart Rather than Success/Failure
We took a 2/3 pay cut - so we anticipated finances would be a challenge.  In preparation of this challenge, we changed cell phone services, our giving, health insurance, eating habits, recreational habits, gift giving traditions, retirement savings, etc.  All the preparations/plans were complete; therefore, we perfectly transitioned into our new budget... I'M LYING!  AUGH!  This has been so hard! 

Among many other things, the retirement auto-withdrawal from Ron's paycheck has taken months to finally get corrected.  The one thing I thought I was good at going into this transition was budgeting, and we haven't hit the budget in the last 3 months.

Ron and I determined we were starting to sound more like business partners than life long, lovingly committed spouses because we spend so much time talking about the budget.  Because the budget is important, we cannot just sweep it under the rug while talking only about "fun" things, but we can limit the time and heart energy we spend on it, and we can adjust our verbiage from worry to gratefulness regarding the subject.

Now, rather than telling Ron all the things I couldn't buy at the grocery store this week, I will send him a text after my shopping trip and tell him something healthy were able to buy with our funds, and thank him for working so hard to provide for our family.  I will also thank him for joining me on this faith journey.  I also dare to ask, "how are you doing with all these changes?", and realize that if the answer isn't overwhelmingly positive, it isn't because I have failed - his honest answer is an indication that he trusts me with the truth of what he is facing.

With these seemingly minor changes of focusing on the heart rather than our "failures", I have found that Ron and I are laughing more and enjoying all that God is providing - both our needs and our desires. 

Other Thoughts

1. Stay connected with friends/family - for fun, prayer, tears, etc.
2. Stay healthy - Our bodies are a living sacrifice for God.  Don't get so focused on the transition  that you don't take the time for healthy eating, exercise, medical checkups, etc.
3. Have some fun! - In times of change, it is easy to forget to have some fun, and it may be a different kind of fun than before.  For example, Ron and I don't get out to listen to live music as much these days (okay... never), but we have wrestled for a few minutes even when the boys weren't around!
4. Embrace humility - You will not be perfect through the transition; you will not be perfect following the transition, and neither will your family members.  Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "Life is a journey, not a destination."  Simply take this time to grow spiritually and relationally.

I am so thankful that, though there have been some difficult moments, our days are filled with joy; there is a peace that passes understanding, and I feel like we are in the midst of the promise given to us in 1 Peter 5:10:

"After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen, and establish you."

If you have ideas/thoughts on joy-filled transitions, please share them with me as I do not feel that our transitions are complete!