Not To Be Forgotten
I had something in common with Thanh Tran. I was being made fun of because I had sneezed and snot flew onto my book, and she was "weird" and made fun of because she was left-handed (btw, I don't think lefties are weird :). So in 2nd grade, our beautiful friendship was formed out of necessity and feeling sorry for one another. Thankfully, the harshness of the other 2nd graders only lasted for a day or so.
Thanh and I were the best of friends from 2nd grade until her untimely death our Freshman year of high school. Today, February 22nd, is her birthday. She was born in Vietnam, and moved to America from Laos - we used this as an excuse to celebrate her birthday for 2 days because it was Feb 22nd in Vietnam when she was born, but due to the time change it was Feb 21st in America when she was born. I went to her house for the first time when I was 7, and since her parents could not speak English the conversations appeared loud and animated to me.
As the years past, I became accustomed to their unique-to-me lifestyle, but I loved it. I loved her and her family - made me think about something outside of Amarillo, TX. Thanh inspired me. She was an amazing friend, phenomenal student and dedicated to everything she did. Honestly, she was a TERRIBLE basketball player. I think she played because I did. She was a big, solid girl, so we often called her "Thanh the Tank". I'm almost positive she fouled out of every game.
I was unorganized, and focused on things that I shouldn't be at that age - mainly one particular, unhealthy relationship that absorbed my life. Daily, Thanh would try and help me focus on school, even providing me all my papers and pens in class because I would rarely bring my own. She stood up for me against the boy who was so controlling and abusive to me in the relationship. He was so intimidated by her because she was not intimidated by him. She had such strength.
Her death brought such pain to my life. She was on a school trip to a Student Council convention when the van toppled over. I remember the school day so clearly - we were told there had been an accident, but they wouldn't report to us regarding any injuries because all parents had not been notified. I got called from the classroom and asked if I knew a way they could communicate with Thanh's parents - "Why can't Thanh call them herself?" I asked. Their response, "We just need an interpreter." I suggested they get Thanh's little sister, Linda, to help them. Linda, who was then a 5th grader, had to translate to her parents that their 15 year old daughter, her sister, was dead. It was so tragic.
Because it was a school incident, newscasters flooded our school, and every newspaper was filled with pictures of my dear friend, the accident, and the poor teacher who was driving the van. I remember walking into the hallway to find the school principal cleaning out Thanh's locker. This filled me with anger as I felt like he was violating her privacy. Of course he was doing nothing wrong, but I screamed at him and told him to step away from the locker. Thankfully he gave me the space to go through her things. I still have her math folder; no assignments were left undone.
I continued to turn around in my desk in class to ask Thanh for paper, only she was no longer there. My brain played trick after trick on me. My dreams of her death haunted me; I would hear her crying out to me to save her. I felt guilt because I was actually the one that was suppose to be on the school trip that day, but I had declined and Thanh had been the alternate - "Why her and not me?" questions filled my every waking moment. I felt guilt because there was so much from my unhealthy relationship that I had never shared with her - surely she could now see it all and despise me for all my secrets and disgrace.
As I tried to figure out what to do with my grief, I could come only to a few conclusions. First, it seemed unfair to me that Thanh did not get to live out her dreams to become our class Valedictorian, so I needed to fulfill that for her. Second, I decided, no matter what my boyfriend threatened or held over me, I could no longer be a disappointment to Thanh by staying encapsulated in this unhealthy relationship.
Through Thanh's untimely death, she inspired me to become someone better than I was choosing to be. It was the beginning of my finding the freedom that Christ had for me. I broke off the unhealthy relationship that was eating up every ounce of emotional and physical energy I had, and I eventually graduated Valedictorian of my class. Both Thanh and I loved science, so it was such a privilege to eventually receive a degree in Chemical Engineering for myself and in her honor.
It was still a number of years before I really started pursuing healing from Thanh's death, the abusive relationship and the consequential effects of that relationship. I mostly hid from the pain because it seemed as if it would swallow me whole if I reopened the wounds and the guilt from bad choices I made after it all.
Obviously there is a lot of "story" between that time and now, and the wounds were re-opened and God's grace proved bigger than I imagined. Today I remember Thanh with such admiration. I truly believe that she is a big inspiration for our family to adopt from Asia. She helped create a comfort and excitement in me regarding other cultures.
Even 20 years later, I miss this girl. I can still hear her voice, but the sharp pain no longer exists. It encourages me for the pain I feel regarding the loss of our son Elliot.
To Thanh's family, should you ever read this - Your daughter was beautiful; God used her to change my life. She rescued me in some ways. Thank you for loving me through the years of our growing up together. I miss her and I miss you all. I know today is special to you as you remember her. Please know you are not the only one who remembers how special she was - her inspiration and impact continues today.
Thanh and I were the best of friends from 2nd grade until her untimely death our Freshman year of high school. Today, February 22nd, is her birthday. She was born in Vietnam, and moved to America from Laos - we used this as an excuse to celebrate her birthday for 2 days because it was Feb 22nd in Vietnam when she was born, but due to the time change it was Feb 21st in America when she was born. I went to her house for the first time when I was 7, and since her parents could not speak English the conversations appeared loud and animated to me.
As the years past, I became accustomed to their unique-to-me lifestyle, but I loved it. I loved her and her family - made me think about something outside of Amarillo, TX. Thanh inspired me. She was an amazing friend, phenomenal student and dedicated to everything she did. Honestly, she was a TERRIBLE basketball player. I think she played because I did. She was a big, solid girl, so we often called her "Thanh the Tank". I'm almost positive she fouled out of every game.
I was unorganized, and focused on things that I shouldn't be at that age - mainly one particular, unhealthy relationship that absorbed my life. Daily, Thanh would try and help me focus on school, even providing me all my papers and pens in class because I would rarely bring my own. She stood up for me against the boy who was so controlling and abusive to me in the relationship. He was so intimidated by her because she was not intimidated by him. She had such strength.
Her death brought such pain to my life. She was on a school trip to a Student Council convention when the van toppled over. I remember the school day so clearly - we were told there had been an accident, but they wouldn't report to us regarding any injuries because all parents had not been notified. I got called from the classroom and asked if I knew a way they could communicate with Thanh's parents - "Why can't Thanh call them herself?" I asked. Their response, "We just need an interpreter." I suggested they get Thanh's little sister, Linda, to help them. Linda, who was then a 5th grader, had to translate to her parents that their 15 year old daughter, her sister, was dead. It was so tragic.
Because it was a school incident, newscasters flooded our school, and every newspaper was filled with pictures of my dear friend, the accident, and the poor teacher who was driving the van. I remember walking into the hallway to find the school principal cleaning out Thanh's locker. This filled me with anger as I felt like he was violating her privacy. Of course he was doing nothing wrong, but I screamed at him and told him to step away from the locker. Thankfully he gave me the space to go through her things. I still have her math folder; no assignments were left undone.
I continued to turn around in my desk in class to ask Thanh for paper, only she was no longer there. My brain played trick after trick on me. My dreams of her death haunted me; I would hear her crying out to me to save her. I felt guilt because I was actually the one that was suppose to be on the school trip that day, but I had declined and Thanh had been the alternate - "Why her and not me?" questions filled my every waking moment. I felt guilt because there was so much from my unhealthy relationship that I had never shared with her - surely she could now see it all and despise me for all my secrets and disgrace.
As I tried to figure out what to do with my grief, I could come only to a few conclusions. First, it seemed unfair to me that Thanh did not get to live out her dreams to become our class Valedictorian, so I needed to fulfill that for her. Second, I decided, no matter what my boyfriend threatened or held over me, I could no longer be a disappointment to Thanh by staying encapsulated in this unhealthy relationship.
Through Thanh's untimely death, she inspired me to become someone better than I was choosing to be. It was the beginning of my finding the freedom that Christ had for me. I broke off the unhealthy relationship that was eating up every ounce of emotional and physical energy I had, and I eventually graduated Valedictorian of my class. Both Thanh and I loved science, so it was such a privilege to eventually receive a degree in Chemical Engineering for myself and in her honor.
It was still a number of years before I really started pursuing healing from Thanh's death, the abusive relationship and the consequential effects of that relationship. I mostly hid from the pain because it seemed as if it would swallow me whole if I reopened the wounds and the guilt from bad choices I made after it all.
Obviously there is a lot of "story" between that time and now, and the wounds were re-opened and God's grace proved bigger than I imagined. Today I remember Thanh with such admiration. I truly believe that she is a big inspiration for our family to adopt from Asia. She helped create a comfort and excitement in me regarding other cultures.
Even 20 years later, I miss this girl. I can still hear her voice, but the sharp pain no longer exists. It encourages me for the pain I feel regarding the loss of our son Elliot.
To Thanh's family, should you ever read this - Your daughter was beautiful; God used her to change my life. She rescued me in some ways. Thank you for loving me through the years of our growing up together. I miss her and I miss you all. I know today is special to you as you remember her. Please know you are not the only one who remembers how special she was - her inspiration and impact continues today.
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