Grief is Tough
Grieving is such a selfish emotion... it's not that the person who is grieving is selfish - it's that everyone grieves in their own way on their own time.
When Elliot died, others around us grieved for us, but I don't think anyone could really grieve Elliot the way Ron and I did because nobody had a relationship with him except us. My Mother's death, on the other hand, created much grieving from a number of people - and the levels and the stages of grief vary tremendously among each of these people.
Next week will be a year since my Mother passed away. I can't believe it.
Those of us who are grieving had a unique relationship with my Mother. I cannot compare my grief to my Dad's because I did not share the intimacy they had together for 40 years. I cannot compare my grief to either of my siblings because we each had a unique connection with her on different levels. For example, my sister lived only a few miles down the road from my parents, and, therefore, she spent the most time with my Mother. I live 350 miles away from my parents, so most of my time with my Mom was spent on the phone and visiting when possible.
So, here we are... a year from her passing. Honestly things are not that great with my family. Some relationships have blossomed, and others are floundering. Some family members are making decisions that I'm not sure they would be making if this grief and loss was not having such an impact on their lives. Some are finding courage, some are bitter, some are making decisions that other's don't understand, others are just paralyzed by it all, and some are just going through the motions... but all are in the midst of the pain of losing someone so dear.
My relationship with my Dad has grown, and for that I am so grateful. It's not that we weren't close before, but he had such tremendous responsibility upon him in caring for my Mom, trying to meet medical expenses, keep up with household chores and other financial commitments. Now he is trying to learn what to do with himself again. That is a challenge, but in the process we are just spending time together talking - sometimes we talk about nothing (the weather, the drive home, what we're having for dinner); sometimes we reminisce; sometimes we dream about the future (our next visit, the upcoming adoption, fishing together); sometimes we talk about the pain. But, mostly, we are just growing together.
I pray that I will not be the cause of anyone else's pain, but I will instead encourage and edify those around me. I pray for reconciliation in my family. There is a lot of pain and hurt - I don't understand it all because I don't live their shoes. We are all grieving differently. And, as I found in my grief for Elliot, emotions run high during the grief process, and so often times resentments grow as a result.
It is at this time that I focus on Psalm 25:17-18:
When Elliot died, others around us grieved for us, but I don't think anyone could really grieve Elliot the way Ron and I did because nobody had a relationship with him except us. My Mother's death, on the other hand, created much grieving from a number of people - and the levels and the stages of grief vary tremendously among each of these people.
Next week will be a year since my Mother passed away. I can't believe it.
Those of us who are grieving had a unique relationship with my Mother. I cannot compare my grief to my Dad's because I did not share the intimacy they had together for 40 years. I cannot compare my grief to either of my siblings because we each had a unique connection with her on different levels. For example, my sister lived only a few miles down the road from my parents, and, therefore, she spent the most time with my Mother. I live 350 miles away from my parents, so most of my time with my Mom was spent on the phone and visiting when possible.
So, here we are... a year from her passing. Honestly things are not that great with my family. Some relationships have blossomed, and others are floundering. Some family members are making decisions that I'm not sure they would be making if this grief and loss was not having such an impact on their lives. Some are finding courage, some are bitter, some are making decisions that other's don't understand, others are just paralyzed by it all, and some are just going through the motions... but all are in the midst of the pain of losing someone so dear.
My relationship with my Dad has grown, and for that I am so grateful. It's not that we weren't close before, but he had such tremendous responsibility upon him in caring for my Mom, trying to meet medical expenses, keep up with household chores and other financial commitments. Now he is trying to learn what to do with himself again. That is a challenge, but in the process we are just spending time together talking - sometimes we talk about nothing (the weather, the drive home, what we're having for dinner); sometimes we reminisce; sometimes we dream about the future (our next visit, the upcoming adoption, fishing together); sometimes we talk about the pain. But, mostly, we are just growing together.
I pray that I will not be the cause of anyone else's pain, but I will instead encourage and edify those around me. I pray for reconciliation in my family. There is a lot of pain and hurt - I don't understand it all because I don't live their shoes. We are all grieving differently. And, as I found in my grief for Elliot, emotions run high during the grief process, and so often times resentments grow as a result.
It is at this time that I focus on Psalm 25:17-18:
"The troubles of my heart are enlarged; Bring me out of my distresses. Look upon my affliction and my trouble, and forgive all my sins."
I do believe that God is hearing the cry of my heart, and I am so thankful for the way He so delicately handles every situation with love, righteousness and creativity.
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