I Must Be His Mom...

There are many that are called "Mom" that are not.
There are many that have never been called "Mom" that are.

To have an anguish so deep, I must be his Mom.

He is not here; I never heard his cry.
I never changed his diaper, and I never picked up his toys.
I never had to discipline him or come up with creative ways to get him to stop sucking his thumb.
I never cleaned up his spilled milk or checked his temperature.

Yet, I love him so deeply.

I don't get to snuggle him to sleep or tickle him.
I don't get to listen to him sing or watch him eat his birthday cake.
I don't dance with him, and I don't get to hear him call me "Mommy".

Yet, I love him so deeply.

I will never watch him go to his first day of Kindergarten or graduate High School or College.
I will never watch him wait at the end of an aisle for his bride.
I will never see him parent his own children that I can spoil and send back home.

Yet, I will always love him deeply.

I will accept all the pain of the "I nevers", "I don'ts" and the "I will nevers" because to hurt this much means I love so much and God has given me the gift of having a Mother's heart - what a beautiful gift to have the capability to love so much.

Thank You, Father, for giving the gift of a Mother's heart so that I can love so deeply.  Oh how I miss sweet Livvy and Elliot, and how I long for HC to be a part of our home.  Oh how thankful I am for the sweetest little boy, Reese, that I do get to hear call me Mommy - that is growing so fast.  I pray for wisdom and grace while I parent, Lord, and may I never be a hindrance in my children knowing You!

 I pray for all the Mothers out there, as Mother's Day quickly approaches.  This is a beautiful day of celebration, but for many it is a reminder of the longing they have for the children they've never had or lost.  May they be comforted during this time.  

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