I am Simon.

Reading: Luke 9:23-25; Luke 23:13-26

Prayer: Lord, the crosses we bear at times just seem like too much. Provide us the hope and strength necessary today to walk through whatever challenge is before us. Thank You for Your example of how to bear such hardship and that we do NOT have to carry the burden alone.

Daily Challenge: Make a list of what angers, saddens or hurts you regarding the cross you are carrying. Ask a friend to pray with you for the strength and endurance to carry on and to somehow find purpose and joy in your circumstance. 

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Jesus is of course the central character and focus of the Easter story, but I find that each Easter season, with each varying season of my life, I become intimately connected with other characters within the crucifixion story.  This year it was Simon of Cyrene.

I almost didn't write about this because my words seem so selfish - but as I have watched friends have similar struggles within their life recently, I want to share.  Some time ago, I was feeling so angry about the adoption process.  The wait and all the uncertainty was wearing me out, and this pain was laid on top of feeling our house is too quiet since there was already suppose to be another little boy living here.  It was really the "anger" portion of the grief process.

As I lamented over these things one morning in tears, Ron reminded me, "Halee, we chose this."  I responded back, "No we didn't.  It was brought to us!". What I meant was, since God laid it out so clearly for us, and because we love Him and believe He is faithful, we knew we couldn't say "no".  The only reason we would say "no" is because we wouldn't want the inconveniences and the pain that it would entail, but by saying "no" to something God has called us to would certainly not allow our lives to just continue on as it was. 

If we obeyed, we would endure this process and all that it entails before HC gets here and all that it will entail once he arrives.  If we declined,... then what?  I don't know, but I had lived a life opposed to God for many years, and I wasn't willing to go back to that place.  Even though I had accepted the call, I was still throwing an emotional temper tantrum about all that I was having to deal with in order to follow the call; therefore, the blessing was not mine.  Instead it was pain.

Simon of Cyrene was told to carry Jesus' cross.  He was not asked.  Simon had traveled quite a distance to participate in the Passover festivities.  If he came into contact with Jesus' blood he would not be able to participate in the yearly events because he would be considered unclean. 

I suppose Simon could have declined, but either way, their was a huge impact on Simon's life as soon as he was told to carry that cross.  If he declined, I'm sure the soldiers would not have respected his wishes and moved on to the next person.  He would have endured pain and suffering himself.  If he accepted, then he likely would have not gotten to participate in Passover... but is that all that happened to him when he carried the cross?

The Bible never tells us of Simon's emotional response - we are left to our imaginations.  God accomplished what he intended to accomplish despite Simon's heart in the matter.  God intended to save the world through that moment - and He did.  But Simon, though he may have thought he didn't have a choice, actually had a choice.  His choice was to be angry and just endure what he was required to do OR he could have looked into the eyes of Jesus and realized that he was not "required" but instead "chosen" to get to be a part of something so much bigger than himself.

If Simon chose the first - being angry and bitter - then all he is left with is a crazy story later on and possibly a lot of other hardships associated with a hard heart (such as broken relationships).  But if he chooses the latter - then what happens?  God is so BIG, I don't think I can put into words what happens.  Simon's heart would be filled with the Spirit - forever changed, possibly motivated to tell others that he was chosen and then help change the lives of many others for all of eternity blessing those in which he comes into contact.

I am Simon - Chosen to carry the cross for HC - a cross he did not choose to bear nor deserves to bear.  It is not easy, and it will require (and has required) sacrifice not just by me but our whole family.  But, I pray that all along the way, I will continually turn my eyes to look into the eyes of Jesus and know that God has a plan for good.

I want my heart and my future to be molded and shaped by the beauty of God's plan, not by the bitterness of my selfishness.

Friends, I pray for each of you today that are having to carry a cross that you did not ask to bear.  It's hard.  It is not without sacrifice.  What you are grieving does matter.  But, I assure you that God has not mistakenly chosen you for this task.  You were chosen with a purpose.  I pray that you too will be shaped by the beauty of His plan.