Our Rat Poison

A small group of us have been reading through the Psalms together and discussing them.  During our time together this last week, the majority of our discussions landed on forgiveness... or lack thereof.  Each of us (including me) had a story of unforgiveness - the way it stirs our hearts and minds.  Some of our stories included people still in our lives, others will never see the "offender" again - yet each story stirred an amazing amount of emotion in each of us.

God taught me to forgive my abuser almost 10 years ago.  There are times when something triggers a pain from the past and I have to go through the process all over again.  After forgiving this person, it seems like I could forgive anything, yet I still struggle with it at times.  So as we discussed our unforgiveness this week, I was really pondering the "hows" of forgiveness.

David, a man who wrote the majority of the Psalms and was also chosen by God to play a significant role leading up to our Savior coming to earth, was human - meaning he messed up at times and had a wide range of emotions.  This "humanness" is very apparent in the Psalms.  In Psalm 35-37, though I don't know if these Psalms were written consecutively, it actually paints this picture of David's heart going from a bitter state to a heart of forgiveness.

Anger and Bitterness
Psalm 35 is filled will David asking God to destroy his enemies, those who mock him, those slander him.

"Let destruction come upon him unaware, And let the net which he hid catch himself; 

Into that very destruction let him fall." Psalm 35:8

Reminder of God's Faithfulness
It is in chapter 36 that David's heart starts to soften.  As he gives praises to God, he is reminded of His faithfulness and might.

"Your loving kindness, O Lord, extends to the heavens, 

Your faithfulness reaches to the skies." Psalm 36: 5

And toward the end, David's heart is humbled and he seeks the Lord for his own personal molding and shaping rather than just destruction for his enemy.

"Let not the foot of pride come upon me, 

And let not the hand of the wicked drive me away." Psalm 36:11

Trusting God's Plans for Himself and His Enemies
David came to the conclusion in Chapter 37 that  because God is faithful, He would do what is just and right for him and for his enemies.

"Transgressors will be altogether destroyed; the posterity of the wicked will be cut off.  

But the salvation of the righteous is from the Lord; He is their strength in time of trouble.  

The Lord helps them and delivers them; He delivers them from the wicked and saves them, because they take refuge in Him." Psalm 37: 38-40

During my years in the recovery ministry, I have heard countless people say, "It's impossible for me to forgive," and then I agree with them.  It is impossible to forgive - but it is not impossible for God.  Chapter 37 entails such an important detail in our forgiveness process.

Forgiveness IS NOT about pardoning, forgetting, condoning, dismissing, trusting or even reconciling with the one who hurt us or someone we love.

Forgiveness IS instead resting in and believing that God will be faithful in how He deals with our hearts and lives as well as how He will deal with those who have sinned again us.

• I don't have to trust my abuser, but I can trust God.  
• Even if the person I am unforgiving towards doesn't receive the "poke in the eye" like I want them to, I must choose to believe that God will deal with them as He knows is best.  
• And when I believe that God should be fair, then I must choose to ask myself, "If He is fair, then do I really want what is fair for me or would I rather choose His grace?"

There is not a "4 step plan" to forgiveness; it is not always easy, and, frankly, we often don't want to forgive (I remember telling a friend one time, "I know forgiveness is possible, but I don't want to forgive - I want to be angry!  This person doesn't deserve my forgiveness.").  But here is the thing, as we choose not to forgive, it is one more wall between us and the joy that the Heavenly Father has set aside for us.  To not forgive is the equivalent of eating rat poison and waiting for the other person to die.  They are not destroyed by our anger or unforgiveness - we are.

Father, please forgive me for my unwillingness to trust You with those who have hurt me and those I love.  Frankly, there are some people that I just don't want to forgive, so, Lord, I ask that You soften my heart and help me to want to forgive.  Your love and grace is far more than I deserve, yet You give it freely.  May I extend that love and grace to others.  I pray for all those reading my blog today that are also struggling with forgiving someone.  May their hearts be softened a well so that You may be glorified. - Amen