Another Blue Chip

Do you know what a "blue chip" is?

At Celebrate Recovery, blue chips are offered to mark dates in which we surrendered something to God.  People take blue chips for a variety of reasons (such as drinking, anger, control, a specific relationship, etc.), and I, too, have taken my fair share of them through the years.  Some of the things I have followed through on and left in the Lord's hands (ie. losing Elliot, forgiving seemingly "unforgivable" sins, the way I treat my body, etc.), but others... not so much (strangely I can't remember what these chips were for; I guess I wasn't that serious about laying it down).

Written on the blue chip are words from the first part of 2 Corinthian 12:9,

"My grace is enough for you"

After losing Elliot and my Mom, fear absolutely gripped me as I began to believe that everyone I loved would be ripped from me.  Since that point, I start each day by taking a commitment to God that I will trust Him with each of these loved ones, and then I usually state all the reasons that I can trust Him - because He made them and loves them to the core of His being, He is all knowing; therefore, He knows their needs better than I do, He is aware of my heart and will not neglect me even if something does happen to them... the list can go on and on.  This time of prayer brings peace to each day, and gives me confidence of God's care and control.

Yesterday, just as I was going into Celebrate Recovery, I received an email from the agency.  It was a bulk email - meaning it went out to all the families who are currently in the same waiting game as us.  The email provided a description of the different phases of adoption, how many families were in each phase, and at what time frames each family had signed their paperwork on their child.  This type of correspondence is usually helpful in sufficing my heart another day knowing that their are a lot of people enduring the same things we are, and there is progress being made for these families.

Upon reading the email the first time, I misread the dates corresponding to when families, who were a phase ahead of us, signed their paperwork - and I thought they had signed after us.  I absolutely panicked!!!

• Why did we get skipped over?
• Did HC's biological mother decide she wants to parent him?
• Maybe they don't think we will be an adequate family for HC!
• What if we never get to bring him home?!?!?!?

I felt like vomiting, and I quickly scrolled the room looking for my husband so that I had someone to possibly share in my panic.  He was not in there thankfully because it gave me the time to pause and re-read the email.  I had not read the email correctly, and we have in fact not been passed up.

Of course I'm thankful that I misread the email, but I realized that I am "trusting" God to make the adoption go the way I want it to go... as if I'm holding my breath until He gives me what I want.  I've often said that if my check engine light comes on in my car, I want to respond the same whether I have several thousand dollars in my savings account or no money at all.  Either way, God is still providing, still has a plan, and He is not surprised either way.

So, last night I took yet another blue chip.  

With this chip I commit to praising God before I open any emails or take any phone calls from the agency.  God has a plan for HC; He has a plan for our family.  It may or may not look the way I desire it to look, but if I've learned anything over the years it's that His ways are so much better than my ways.  

I want to end with more details on the 2 Corinthian passage stated earlier.  In this chapter, Paul is talking about the thorn in his side, the thing he keeps asking God to remove from him, but God had other plans.  I believe God is calling me to have the same response Paul did.  

"Concerning this I implored the Lord three times that it might leave me.  

And He has said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.' 

Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, 

so that the power of Christ may dwell in me." 

2 Cor 7:8-9

Today, I boast in my weakness and pray the power of Christ will dwell in me.