The Central Strand

This adoption journey has been long.  I have recently started reading "Jesus Calling" again (a devotional that encouraged me so much during my deepest moments of grief after losing Elliot and my Mother), and it really spoke to my heart this morning. 

"Waiting, trusting and hoping are intricately connected, like golden strands interwoven to form a strong chain.  Trusting is the central strand... waiting and hoping embellish the central strand and strengthen the chain that connects [me] to [Jesus]... If [I] mouth the words 'I trust You' while anxiously trying to make things go [my] way, [my] words ring hollow."

Waiting, trusting, hoping...  Nope, that is the wrong order for me.  Trust, hope, wait.  I don't have the courage to hope or wait without the trust.  I don't have the courage to long for HC without the trust.  The devastation would be too much if I had to rely on my own strength and control if things don't go "our way".

"I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.   Wait for the Lord, be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord." Psalm 27:13-14

I pray that news of a court date is coming soon.  Each month as I pack a box to send to our son, I find that I am doing "the task" with less and less enthusiasm.  I pray each time I fill a box that it will somehow meet some of his needs and be an encouragement to his foster family, but now as I pack the box - I feel a sense of dread. "How many more must I send?  I no longer want to assume what he needs or what size clothes he must wear.  I do not desire to send him things any longer to prepare him for his journey to America or to a new family - I want him to be experiencing that journey."

Reese and I have been reading through the book of Job together.  I LOVE how God has been using Reese to speak to me through his questions and insights during our time of reading.  Job also has a journey that was hard to reconcile because he could not see the spiritual warfare happening behind the scenes.  But through it all, though he was in anguish, he loved the Lord because he knew that He was his only hope. 

Though I spend much of my writing regarding the adoption journey - the majority of our day is spent doing "regular" life.  Seems as if time is passing so quickly, as if it is someone else's story that I am reading through in a flash.

May your day be filled with the hope of Jesus Christ and all that He has provided through His sacrifice, love and mercy.  Thanks for reading and joining me on this journey.

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