Selfish "What Ifs"

Our family received a beautiful gift last week- a video of our son (HC) that we are adopting from Asia.  I felt like a fly on the wall as I watched he and his foster mother interact with one another, and for the first time I got to hear the squeal of his voice.  Wow.

I am so in love with this little boy that I've never met.  God placed his need upon my heart before I even knew he existed.  It will likely be another 7-12 months before he comes home - it feels so far away.

A few nights ago, I had been tossing around the "what if's" in my mind.  What if his birth mother comes back?... what if his foster mom decides to adopt him?... what if yet another law changes, and the government doesn't allow us to have him?... The what if's are never ending if I allow them.  In hind sight, they seem like very selfish questions as they are all about how changes will impact me and my heart when such unexpected changes could potentially be for his better.

4:38am the following morning - I was awakened from my sleep.  Immediately my mind goes to HC, and I think to myself "something has happened to him!"  Another what if enters my mind.  My spirit is calmed as it occurs to me that it is the Lord wanting to spend time with me.  I went to my Bible, and I found John 4:38 -

"I sent you to reap that for which you have not labored; others have labored and you have entered into their labor."

The actual content of this verse was Jesus telling  His disciples they would reap from and continue in the labor that John the Baptist's disciples had begun.  As for my family, we are so thankful for the love and care HC's foster family has given him.  Every picture we've received of them together, she seems so pleased with him, and he is clearly in love with her.  I believe, with this verse, the Holy Spirit was reassuring me that HC and our family will reap from the labor of his foster family, and that we will eventually enter into the labor of becoming his parents, training him up in the ways of the Lord, and loving him.  Even if I am wrong about what the Spirit was telling me with this verse - I know for certain He was reassuring my soul.

What an honor it is to have such a beautiful family loving and caring for our child when we cannot.  I am overwhelmed with gratefulness that HC has been with the same foster family for 10 months now, and will hopefully remain there until we arrive.  I am so grateful that he has food, clothing and shelter.  I am so thankful for the adoption agency because, among many other things, they are documenting his sweet life through pictures and videos so that when he gets older he will know what he looked like as a baby, how old he was when he started to walk (and he is indeed walking now!), and how many teeth he had when he was one year old.

Praise be to God for His love and care over this child and all the many other orphans in this world.

Will you all pray with me this week for those without mothers and fathers to care for them?  May God's light shine most brightly upon them and those caring for them!