Run The Race

It is such a beautiful time of year.  The weather just beckons our outdoor play!  There is a smell and an ambiance that simply doesn't exist any other time of year but fall. So what is looming over my head? As I walk outside, I feel as if I should run and play because of the beauty that exists, yet there is some sort of fog in my mind.  It's a strange feeling that is hard to describe. I know what it is.  It is a lingering of the feelings I had during this season in years past.  The air simply reminds me of the months leading up to Elliot's birth as well as the months following my Mother's death.  The months leading to Elliot's birth were expectant and fun but also fat and exhausted.  I remember running in the "Race for the Cure" with my big belly; I could see people pick up the pace as I passed them, thinking to themselves "there's no way I can get beat by a pregnant woman"! I have historically loved dressing up and making costumes a...

One year ago today, September 19, 2012, God placed our child-to-be on my heart!  I am telling you this story at the risk of you thinking I am crazy.  You probably already think I'm crazy, so I might as well tell you! I sat in my chair reading my Bible in the wee hours of the morning.  It was just the Lord and I as everyone was still sleeping.  Romans 8 was the reading for the day, and I came to verse 15, which I've read many times - I have it highlighted and underlined in my Bible. "For you have not received a spirit of fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, 'Abba! Father!'"  Romans 8:15 Typically, this verse is very personal to me, my fear, and my adoption into God's family, but not this day.  As I read this verse, I was physically pulled out of my chair; knees on the ground.  A sense of deep grief came over me as I had a vision of thousands of children (mostly middle - high school aged) standing,...

The last 7 days have been a blur. My Dad, who was out of state with his brother on a fishing trip, began to experience very high temperature, delirium, convulsions, could not walk, etc.  He was ofcourse rushed to the hospital.  This began a whirlwind of tests, which finally revealed that he has West Nile virus.  He has been incubated and on a ventilator for many days.  Finally, praise God, he began to breathe on his own. Now that he has come out of incubation and is breathing on his own, it brings along a new set of trials.  Hospital staff continues to reiterate that recovery will be slow.  He continues in ICU at the hospital for yet another day; soon we will begin to interact with a variety of therapists.   Wow... What just happened??? I have been in TX since I received the news, but now I must return home.  Leaving will be difficult, though I know I will return soon. I've returned to the Psalms this week in my Bible reading.  I fo...

A month ago, our family was preparing for a vacation to the Philadelphia, PA area to visit Ron's family.  We love our visits with family, but this time was different.  Last year when we arrived in PA, my Mother was alive - when we left she was not.  Our trip to PA last year was much too short. Sometimes I believe we are done with "firsts" considering we are more than a 1.5years out since our son Elliot's death and a year out since my Mom's death, but I knew this trip would be full of firsts. First vacation since my Mom died First time to fish in the pond I was fishing in the moment my Mom died First time to run on the beach again that I ran on when I was pregnant with Elliot These may seem insignificant to most, but each thing is filled with a mix of fun and sorrowful emotion.  Not to mention, that in preparing for our trip the enemy filled my head with such lies as "What will go wrong this trip?", "Who will die this time?"  Such lies...