Run The Race

Christmas season from now until the time I leave this world will contain a mix of emotions as we celebrate the birth of the Messiah and also remember saying goodbye to our son Elliot (December 21, 2011). Many people say that Christmas and Thanksgiving are about being with friends and family - though I agree that spending time with those we love is extremely valuable - it is not the reason nor should it be the ultimate focus.  For those that are deeply grieving - this mindset leaves many feeling lonely or with an abundance of guilt in a season that is about hope and an eternal future and blessing. I believe that if our family does not take this time to remember Elliot then we pass up an opportunity to give glory to God.  And, as for the Christmas season, my focus has been to do only those things that draw us to Jesus and to have flexible enough hearts and schedules that we will have opportunity to serve/give selflessly when we are led. Involving ourselves in obligatory ...

Last night I went to a beautiful event sponsored by M.E.N.D  - an organization committed to helping families grieve their children that were lost due to miscarriage, stillbirth, or shortly after birth.  This was the 2nd annual candlelight event - where we take just an hour out of the busy Christmas holiday to commemorate our babies in Heaven. This December is strange for me.  Next week will be two years since we held Elliot for the last time.  Passing from 2013 to 2014 somehow makes him seem further away.  I can't go back to that time.  The vast majority of the memories are still fresh, but some things are starting to fade. The passing from 2013 to 2014 puts me further away from the last time I heard my mother's voice, her hugs, all of those things.  I will never get these moments back until we meet in Heaven, but sometimes Heaven feels so far away.   This year I am less focused on my grief than last year.  Though I will never forget my l...

It has been over a year since we began our adoption journey, and it has been over 7 months since we've received our referral to our child that I call HC on this blog - as we've agreed with the agency not to share his information electronically while we are venturing through this process. This weekend I was trying to find more information regarding the all the legal changes and processes that are happening in HCs home country that are affecting the time frame in which we will get to bring him home.  I was connected with some very good resources, but, I'll be honest, it was very disheartening. One of the legal changes that has taken place is for more birth parent rights.  So throughout the process, they contact the birth parent multiple times to ask "Are you sure this is what you want?" - they even ask one more time after the adoptive family travels to the birth country and has a court hearing.  This along with several other changes have greatly lengthened our w...

This story is not necessarily for younger readers. I enjoy airplane rides.  It is still mesmerizing to me that such a giant piece of machinery can get off the ground and stay afloat.  If the person sitting next to me wants to talk - I will definitely talk.  If they are quiet, I love to just snuggle into a good book. This was rather full on a very small plane.  I was in the window seat waiting to see who would be sitting next to me.  As others piled onto the plane, I got a whiff of alcohol, and as the gentleman sat next to me I was quickly able to determine where the smell had originated. His name was Travis.  He was a young CPA who had missed his previous flight while in the bar, so he, instead, had to take this flight.  It appeared that he probably spent the remainder of the time between the two flights in the bar as well. Travis was loud, vulgar and bitter.  Before take off, he began speaking loudly about his displeasure that it was taki...

Our family received a beautiful gift last week- a video of our son (HC) that we are adopting from Asia.  I felt like a fly on the wall as I watched he and his foster mother interact with one another, and for the first time I got to hear the squeal of his voice.  Wow. I am so in love with this little boy that I've never met.  God placed his need upon my heart before I even knew he existed.  It will likely be another 7-12 months before he comes home - it feels so far away. A few nights ago, I had been tossing around the "what if's" in my mind.  What if his birth mother comes back?... what if his foster mom decides to adopt him?... what if yet another law changes, and the government doesn't allow us to have him?... The what if's are never ending if I allow them.  In hind sight, they seem like very selfish questions as they are all about how changes will impact me and my heart when such unexpected changes could potentially be for his better. 4:38am the fo...